Japanese giving/receiving verbs are unique in world languages. Unlike English’s simple “give,” Japanese has three verbs that encode who gives to whom and whose perspective matters. Getting these wrong sounds awkward to native speakers.
The Big Three
| Verb | Direction | Perspective | Example |
|---|---|---|---|
| あげる | I/someone → Others | Giver’s side | 友達にプレゼントをあげた。(I gave a present to my friend.) |
| くれる | Others → Me/my group | Receiver’s side (me) | 友達がプレゼントをくれた。(My friend gave me a present.) |
| もらう | Me ← Others | Receiver’s action | 友達にプレゼントをもらった。(I received a present from my friend.) |
The key insight: あげる = away from me. くれる = toward me. もらう = I actively receive. Japanese grammar always tracks where “you” (the speaker) are in the exchange.
As Auxiliary Verbs (〜てあげる / 〜てくれる / 〜てもらう)
These become incredibly powerful as auxiliary verbs expressing doing favors:
| Pattern | Meaning | Example |
|---|---|---|
| 〜てあげる | Do ~ for someone (as a favor) | 道を教えてあげた。(I taught them the way.) |
| 〜てくれる | Someone does ~ for me | 母が料理を作ってくれた。(My mom made food for me.) |
| 〜てもらう | Have someone do ~ for me | 友達に手伝ってもらった。(I had my friend help me.) |
Honorific Versions
| Casual | Honorific | Usage |
|---|---|---|
| あげる (give) | さしあげる (差し上げる) | Humble: I give to someone above me |
| くれる (give me) | くださる (下さる) | Respectful: superior gives to me |
| もらう (receive) | いただく (頂く) | Humble: I receive from someone above |
You hear these daily: いただきます (before eating = I humbly receive this food), ください (please give me).
Direction Chart
Giving away from “me”:
Me → Friend: あげる
Me → Boss: さしあげる
Friend → Another friend: あげる
Giving toward “me”:
Friend → Me: くれる
Boss → Me: くださる
Friend → My family: くれる
Receiving:
Me ← Friend: もらう
Me ← Boss: いただく
Common Mistakes
| Mistake | Correct | Why |
|---|---|---|
| 友達が私にあげた | 友達が私にくれた | Giving TO me = くれる, not あげる |
| 先生に教えてあげた | 先生に教えていただいた | Teacher is above you → いただく |
| 写真を撮ってあげましょうか | 写真を撮りましょうか | てあげる can sound condescending to strangers |
| 先生がくれた | 先生がくださった | Use honorific for superiors |
Warning: 〜てあげる can sound patronizing or condescending, especially to strangers. “駅まで案内してあげる” can sound like “I’ll graciously guide you.” With strangers, just use the plain verb or ましょうか.
Practice Scenarios
- Your friend lent you a book → 友達に本を貸してもらった
- Your mom packed lunch for you → 母が弁当を作ってくれた
- You helped a tourist with directions → 観光客に道を教えてあげた
- Your boss reviewed your report → 部長にレポートを見ていただいた
- A senior gave you advice → 先輩がアドバイスをくださった
Related Grammar
Frequently Asked Questions
くれる focuses on the giver’s action (田中さんが教えてくれた — emphasis on Tanaka’s kindness). もらう focuses on the receiver (田中さんに教えてもらった — emphasis on me receiving). くれる implies more gratitude.
With superiors: さしあげる (I give up), くださる (they give down to me), いただく (I humbly receive). Use in business, with teachers, seniors, and strangers.
No. あげる = giving away from you. To express receiving, use くれる (they give me) or もらう (I receive). This is the most common mistake learners make.
Know the kanji 上げる, 貰う, 呉れる and never confuse them.